So, the 'relationship' is... Well, it's not going well.
This is, of course, no surprise, given that I've a history of falling for people who are innately wrong for me.
The warning signs are, as per usual, right there. He wants to keep our relationship 'secret'. I already -know- that he's seeing someone else.
He's uncommunicative. When we do communicate, he's apologetic, and yet does utterly nothing to remedy the situation.
He's not remotely romantically inclined, disinterested, constantly makes excuses to avoid taking any actions that would make our relationship improve...
Hell, if it were someone else, I'D advise me to get out of it.
We broke up once last year, whereupon he immediately hooked up with someone else, who he's as of yet still involved with (that's the 'someone else' mentioned earlier). Whenever I attempt to discuss the fact that he continues to let our relationship linger at the bottom of the barrel, he constantly throws how heartbroken and miserable he was when we previously broke up right back at me. Yet evidently he is -so- excited for us to be back together, that he maintains his relationship with his other partner, the excuse of which he gives for is the usual "I love you both with all my heart" reason.
I've done my best to get the relationship to move along on my own volition. A few weeks ago, you'll remember, I was sizing up partnership rings. When I mentioned this to him, he stated that he wouldn't want to wear one, as he doesn't want our relationship known to his friends and family. Now, if his friends and family were fundamentalist religious fanatics who spent their weeekends burning homosexuals at the stake or something, I might accept that as an understandable reaction. But they're not.
When I've raised that latter concern with him, he refuses to budge or take any action himself that would move our relationship forward in any way, shape or form. He attempt to do or bring anything to the relationship himself, or do anything that could be deemed as genuinely expressive of romantic interest. Frankly, I get more love out of a box of cornflakes.
Now I know, I'm pretty much being naive in expecting someone to change if you get back together with them. Naturally, he promised that he wouldn't treat me the same way as he did previously, although it's evident of recent months that this is exactly what's happened again. I'm not especially surprised after all, because like I said, people don't change. He's still the type of person who does nothing, and when asked, says "I'm trying" - ask him about telling people about our relationship, and 'he's trying' to work up to it. Always 'trying', never 'doing'. You know the type.
Yeah, I know what you're going to say, "He's an emotional vampire, he only wants you so that he can feel stable on the feelings of being wanted that you give him. He doesn't care about you, he'd take anyone who'll give him that same amount of sustainable." Well, by this point, yeah, I already know all that.
The problem, however, is that I simply don't feel up to being put in a position of guilt by leaving him again. And as I said before, he's shown no inclination towards making any actions or changes to make the relationship work. So, what can I do? Leave? I don't know.
All I can say for sure is that I need a proper, normal, grown-up relationship. Not something formed from someone else's need for emotional support and desire for confirmation. Not something that's based around mind games, guilt trips and playing-the-field. I've gone to my 'partner' and asked him many times to give me this kind of relationship, and he just isn't willing to make any effort at all.
So, what can I do? Well, I dropped Stephen an email earlier, asking if he'd like to go out on a date to the theater some time. I don't know if he'll say yes, he's a nice guy though, so I didn't want to sound too pushy. I'll see how that goes.
As for this 'relationship'... Well, if he's happy for it to linger in this stillborn mire like it has so far, that's fine. I won't 'leave' him. I'll just let things stay just as they are with him. I'm sure that will keep him quite satisfied until someone better for him comes along.
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